by Kassim Ahmad on Wednesday, 26 January 2011 at 11:12
TRAGEDI BERNAMA ISLAM
Oleh: Kassim Ahmad
kassim311@yahoo.com
25 Januari, 2011
Bayangkan jika hari ini Nabi Muhammad turun balik ke Malaysia (tentunya tiada siapa yang mengenal beliau), apa akan jadi? Beliau akan melihat orang Islam mendakwa nama "Allah" itu milik mereka saja; orang Islam tidak mahu berdebat tentang agama dengan orang bukan-Islam kerana takut; orang Islam bergaduh sama sendiri kerana berbeza mazhab; orang Islam mahu bergaduh dengan orang bukan Islam kerana azan; orang Islam melarang orang bukan-Islam memberi salam; orang Islam ada kasta paderi, seperti orang Hindu dan Kristian; dan banyak lagi ajaran baru yang tidak diajar oleh beliau tetapi yang diamalkan oleh orang Islam. Beliau akan menitiskan air-mata, dan akan menegur mereka. Lalu orang Islam akan menghalau beliau keluar dari Malaysia, kerana beliau bahaya kepada ketenteraman awam!
Inilah "Islam" setelah ia berada di Malaysia selama 600 tahun lebih!
Malah beliau akan menghadapi nasib yang sama di Mekah tempat lahir beliau dan tempat beliau menerima dan menyampaikan Quran kepada dunia.
Inilah sebabnya saya menamakan esei ini "Tragedi Bernama Islam." Tragedi, kerana agama Islam yang direadi Allah bertukar menjadi agama yang tiada bezanya daripada agama-agama lain yang telah menyeleweng, seperti Yahudi, Kristian, Hindu dan lain-lain; namun orang Islam sendiri tidak menyedari penyelewengan mereka. Saya boleh ketawa, kerana lucunya, tetapi mana boleh saya ketawa? Ini perkara serius. Mana boleh kita ketawa? Kita harus mencari jalan keluar dari penyelewengan besar ini. Sekarang juga.
Saya telah menulis buku, risalah dan banyak esei tentang kejatuhan Islam dan penyelewengan umat Islam. Tentu ramai orang telah membaca tulisan-tulisan ini. Di antara orang-orang yang telah membacanya tentulah termasuk kaum sarjana dan pemimpin-pemimpin politik dan agama. Mengapa mereka tidak bertindak dan mengambil langkah-langkah untuk mengatasinya? Mungkin kerana, dalam masa, katalah 100 tahun yang lalu, bermula dengan Jamaluddin al-Afghani (m. 1897) dan Muhammad Abduh (m. 1905), beberapa rumusan penyelesaian yang berbeza telah dikemukakan oleh beratus, mungkin beribu, orang sarjana dan cerdik-pandai yang telah mengkaji perkara ini. Mengapa belum diketemui jawapannya?
Ini bermakna orang Islam sendiri keliru! Umat Islam di seluruh dunia sudah jatuh sejak lama. Tidakkah ini nyata? Tidak perlu kajian!
Ingat kembali amaran Tuhan yang jelas dalam Quran. "Rasul akan berkata: "Tuanku, umatku telah membelakangkan Quran ini. Demikianlah Kami wujudkan bagi setiap nabi musuh dari kalangan mereka yang berdosa. Tuanmu cukup sebagai pembimbing dan penolong." (25: 30-31). Dua ayat yang dahsyat ini wujud dalam Quran dari awal. Bermakna Tuhan Maha Mengetahui nampak kemungkinan umat Islam (zaman Nabi Muhammad) akan melakukan kesilapan yang sama, seperti umat-umat lain dulu, lalu, melalui mulut rasul-Nya Muhammad, mengeluarkan amaran besar ini. Mengapa tokoh-tokoh agama kita tidak memberi perhatian yang cukup kepada amaran ini? Umpamanya, adat kita, di seluruh dunia Islam, melagukan Quran tanpa faham (bagi mereka yang bahasa Arab bukan bahasa ibunda) jelas melanggar peringatan ini. Bagi mereka yang bahasa Arab bahasa ibunda, mereka diajar supaya merujuk makna ayat-ayat Quran kepada golongan ulama (dengan bahasa lain, kasta paderi!). Kononnya, huraian para paderi ini cukup dan muktamad (istlahnya, ijmak )! Saya menulis dalam memoir saya, Mencari Jalan Pulang: Tidak ada kaedah yang lebih pintar daripada ini untuk menyembunyikan Quran daripada umat Islam. Seperti yang diungkapkan oleh pegawai-pegawai raja dalam zaman feudal Melayu dulu apabila sesorang itu hendak dihukum: "Sudah sampailah takdir Tuhan kepada anda!" Yakni untuk disembeleh!) Demikianlah umat Islam juga membuat kesilapan yang sama, seperti masyarakat-masyarakat agama lain.
Dalam penyelidikan saya, apa yang dipanggil Hadith atau Sunnah itulah punca utama penyelewengan umat Islam. Quran dibuat buku nyanyian; Hadith dibuat buku pegangan! Selepas itu, umat Islam mewujudkan suatu kasta paderi (disebut ‘ulama’, yang tiada dalam ajaran Islam yang asal)) untuk mentafsirkan agama bagi mereka, seperti orang Yahudi, Kristian dan Hindu. Kemudian mereka pisahkan ilmu kepada dua kelompok yang berlainan: ilmu agama dan ilmu dunia.
Ketiga-tiga faktor ini menjaminkan mereka akan kekal terperangkap dalam penjara yang mereka bina sendiri! Malang seribua kali malang! Mereka anggap penjara itu istana yang cantik! Mereka bangga duduk di dalamnya!
Kalau saya hendak menceritakan ini semua dengan terperinci, saya kena tulis sepuluh jilid. Malangnya, saya tidak ada masa. Kita semua pun tidak ada masa. Kita perlu keluar dari penjara ini dengan segera. Nasib baik Quran, satu-satunya buku yang dijamin oleh Tuhan terpelihara daripada korupsi, masih ada pada kita. Quran akan datang balik kepada kita dan kepada seluruh dunia "inilah yang akan mengeluarkan kita dari penjara dan akan menyelamatkan kita daripada kemusnahan yang menanti
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
THE BENEFITS OF BEING WIFE NO 2
The benefits of being wife number two
It's natural for wife number two to wonder about the woman he married first, but don’t let your curiosity get out of hand, warns Cristina Odone (right). Instead, focus on the advantages of having a second-hand husband.
I call it the ‘Rebecca’ complex: the suspicion that as a second wife I’m second best. The original Rebecca, the first wife in Daphne du Maurier’s classic novel of that name, was dead and a dead-glamorous man-eater who nearly sabotaged her surviving husband’s second marriage. Thankfully most of us don’t come in the wake of such a powerful ghost. But many second wives, like me, find that the first wife casts a very long shadow over the new relationship.
When I married Edward, his ex-wife Claudia insisted we meet. I was going to play an important role in their sons’ lives, and she wanted to size me up. At a shabby hotel near Victoria train station, over several shots of whisky, we had a long and very amicable evening during which we discussed every possible aspect of the future.
The past, however, was left untouched – and there’s the rub. No matter how friendly relations are – between the ex-spouses, the new spouses, the children, the former in-laws – the second wife inevitably comes up against the question: what really happened? What was it like when they were in love, when they quarrelled, went on holiday, when – and this can make you go mad – they were in bed? These questions raise their ugly little heads during a second marriage, and how you deal with them will shape your relationship.
Who can blame the present Mrs for having a few queries about the former? After all, loving someone means wanting to know a lot more than what they’re like right now. If the second wife is confident and wise, she will allow questions about his previous marriage to intrigue her rather than obsess her.
In the ex-wife’s hands, the mobile is a hand grenade: she’s constantly ringing him about some child-related matter.
It is only natural to wonder whether his dexterity in the kitchen is down to the first wife not cooking. Is his need to share diaries at the beginning of each week a new habit, or because they’d rowed over the need for transparency? Can one attribute his amazing punctuality to upbringing or to the fact that he let down wife number one so often, she finally threw a wobbly that traumatised him into keeping a constant eye on the clock?
For some second wives, however, curiosity about the first can tend to get out of hand. They badger husbands and friends, relatives and even the children with questions about everything from her sense of humour to her taste in underwear. They fear that, if kept in the shadows, the first wife appears alluring, sophisticated and all-powerful. Knowing that she had an awful line in ‘dumb blonde’ jokes, or wore big pants, makes the ghost more disposable.
Most husbands try to contain such inquisitiveness. They prevent a veil of mystery from shrouding the first wife, and subscribe to the theory that he who keeps no secrets carries no burning torch. But a few husbands actually encourage their second wives’ endless comparison. Guilt, nostalgia or regret prompt them to hold up their first Mrs as a yardstick to measure the new one by. She may have been dumped to make way for her successor, but suddenly she was the best at everything. Cooking, cleaning, child-rearing: it can seem like the first wife achieved a level of perfection in all areas; in contrast the new one looks like a sad little wannabe.
For the husband, creating this inferiority complex can be a convenient form of control. If he wants his present wife to get a job, discipline the children or stop nagging, pillow talk may take ages, and even then fail. Holding up the ex-wife as a role model instead will have the new one gnashing her teeth – but rising to the challenge.
Equally bad are the men who claim that constantly hailing the past (and the ex) keeps the new wife on her toes. She’ll never be complacent, they argue, with the ghost of her predecessor haunting every corner of her life.
Such mind games, according to Susanna Abse, director of the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships, reveal the husband’s problem with intimacy: ‘The ex-wife is being used by the husband as a way of asserting his need for separateness: “I can’t give myself to you completely, I have this other family too...”’
They can prove destructive: in the UK half of all second marriages end in divorce (for first time marriages, the proportion is slightly lower, with two out of five failing; for third marriages it is worse, with 60 per cent failing).
Outsiders, too, can stoke the fires of your curiosity about wife number one. I remember vividly sitting at a dinner party and hearing the rather drunk hostess ask Edward, ‘So why did you and Claudia break up? Was it fast and furious sex followed by fast and furious rows?’ I felt as if I’d received an electric shock: what would he answer? What was the truth? But Edward deftly changed the topic, and within minutes the hostess was answering questions about her son’s GCSE results. She was robbed of her answer…but I was robbed of my peace of mind.
I sat through the rest of the dinner incapable of concentrating on anything anyone was saying, trying to push away the images that the words ‘fast and furious sex’ kept raising. Did my husband see me as a less exciting but more manageable choice? Was our marriage a case of ‘anything for a quiet life’ after the stormy sexual rapture of his first marriage? I felt miserable, as if I’d been demoted to the mousey second try after the spectacular Claudia had proved too hot to handle.
It was only later that night, when we were on our own, and Edward treated the incident as a joke, that I realised I’d been wandering down a dangerous track.
I pulled back in time, but I’d had a glimpse of how a first wife could sabotage a second marriage. Getting married to a divorcé or a widower can trigger a real identity crisis: am I a replacement, a relief, or a reproach? Am I a pale imitation of the one who got away?
Susanna Abse places these concerns in a psychological context: ‘Feeling left out, being the third, or left behind: these fears are quickly evoked in us in all kinds of situations. But in the crucible of family life, the feelings about exclusion, when one feels unsure or uncertain, become particularly intense and difficult to deal with.’
Some first wives positively relish the power they wield. I’ve encountered women who refuse to ‘move on’ when their husbands remarry. This is particularly true when there are children from the first marriage, as the children give them a claim on their ex-husband. For this nightmare first wife, there are no boundaries. She offers advice to her successor, though it’s not sought, and treats their new home as an extension of her own.
In her hands, the mobile is a hand grenade: she’s constantly ringing him about some
child-related matter, timing her calls to coincide with supper or Sunday lunch or bath time. One ex-wife managed to ruin the first Christmas a friend was enjoying with her new husband by manufacturing a succession of domestic dramas – broken heating, a stalker’s phone calls… The solution to all these horrors was simple: she should come and stay over for the holidays. Ho ho ho.
Boundaries can be invisible to the second wife too. In my new novel The Good Divorce Guide, Linda, the new woman on the scene, is constantly asking first wife Rosie for recipes and tips to keep her man. This is a fictional account of a friend who, although dumped for a ‘younger model’, found herself assailed by telephone calls, text messages and invitations from her successor. It was as if the first wife had to be co-opted into the new relationship; the new union needed her blessing to blossom, the marriage-breakers sought absolution.
Whether relations are friendly enough to have Christmas together in one big happy family, or so strained that the only conversations are held through the divorce lawyers, first wives will always be in the background of a second marriage. When there are children, this is especially so: first and second wives need to communicate on practical details such as flights and orthodontist appointments, as well as larger issues such as dealing with the school bully. Retreating behind an icy, unforgiving silence may offer instant gratification, but it doesn’t get the braces off or the bully stopped.
As we second wives shoulder the burden of dealing with wife number one, we should draw strength from seeing our man’s first stab at marriage as a practice run that has made him all the better for the real thing. We should be grateful to the ex-wife who taught him a thing or two about picking his wet towels off the floor and taking the rubbish out when it stinks up the kitchen. In fact, some of us suspect that, had we met Mr Right before he’d been broken in by Mrs Wrong, we wouldn’t have taken a second look.
It's natural for wife number two to wonder about the woman he married first, but don’t let your curiosity get out of hand, warns Cristina Odone (right). Instead, focus on the advantages of having a second-hand husband.
I call it the ‘Rebecca’ complex: the suspicion that as a second wife I’m second best. The original Rebecca, the first wife in Daphne du Maurier’s classic novel of that name, was dead and a dead-glamorous man-eater who nearly sabotaged her surviving husband’s second marriage. Thankfully most of us don’t come in the wake of such a powerful ghost. But many second wives, like me, find that the first wife casts a very long shadow over the new relationship.
When I married Edward, his ex-wife Claudia insisted we meet. I was going to play an important role in their sons’ lives, and she wanted to size me up. At a shabby hotel near Victoria train station, over several shots of whisky, we had a long and very amicable evening during which we discussed every possible aspect of the future.
The past, however, was left untouched – and there’s the rub. No matter how friendly relations are – between the ex-spouses, the new spouses, the children, the former in-laws – the second wife inevitably comes up against the question: what really happened? What was it like when they were in love, when they quarrelled, went on holiday, when – and this can make you go mad – they were in bed? These questions raise their ugly little heads during a second marriage, and how you deal with them will shape your relationship.
Who can blame the present Mrs for having a few queries about the former? After all, loving someone means wanting to know a lot more than what they’re like right now. If the second wife is confident and wise, she will allow questions about his previous marriage to intrigue her rather than obsess her.
In the ex-wife’s hands, the mobile is a hand grenade: she’s constantly ringing him about some child-related matter.
It is only natural to wonder whether his dexterity in the kitchen is down to the first wife not cooking. Is his need to share diaries at the beginning of each week a new habit, or because they’d rowed over the need for transparency? Can one attribute his amazing punctuality to upbringing or to the fact that he let down wife number one so often, she finally threw a wobbly that traumatised him into keeping a constant eye on the clock?
For some second wives, however, curiosity about the first can tend to get out of hand. They badger husbands and friends, relatives and even the children with questions about everything from her sense of humour to her taste in underwear. They fear that, if kept in the shadows, the first wife appears alluring, sophisticated and all-powerful. Knowing that she had an awful line in ‘dumb blonde’ jokes, or wore big pants, makes the ghost more disposable.
Most husbands try to contain such inquisitiveness. They prevent a veil of mystery from shrouding the first wife, and subscribe to the theory that he who keeps no secrets carries no burning torch. But a few husbands actually encourage their second wives’ endless comparison. Guilt, nostalgia or regret prompt them to hold up their first Mrs as a yardstick to measure the new one by. She may have been dumped to make way for her successor, but suddenly she was the best at everything. Cooking, cleaning, child-rearing: it can seem like the first wife achieved a level of perfection in all areas; in contrast the new one looks like a sad little wannabe.
For the husband, creating this inferiority complex can be a convenient form of control. If he wants his present wife to get a job, discipline the children or stop nagging, pillow talk may take ages, and even then fail. Holding up the ex-wife as a role model instead will have the new one gnashing her teeth – but rising to the challenge.
Equally bad are the men who claim that constantly hailing the past (and the ex) keeps the new wife on her toes. She’ll never be complacent, they argue, with the ghost of her predecessor haunting every corner of her life.
Such mind games, according to Susanna Abse, director of the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships, reveal the husband’s problem with intimacy: ‘The ex-wife is being used by the husband as a way of asserting his need for separateness: “I can’t give myself to you completely, I have this other family too...”’
They can prove destructive: in the UK half of all second marriages end in divorce (for first time marriages, the proportion is slightly lower, with two out of five failing; for third marriages it is worse, with 60 per cent failing).
Outsiders, too, can stoke the fires of your curiosity about wife number one. I remember vividly sitting at a dinner party and hearing the rather drunk hostess ask Edward, ‘So why did you and Claudia break up? Was it fast and furious sex followed by fast and furious rows?’ I felt as if I’d received an electric shock: what would he answer? What was the truth? But Edward deftly changed the topic, and within minutes the hostess was answering questions about her son’s GCSE results. She was robbed of her answer…but I was robbed of my peace of mind.
I sat through the rest of the dinner incapable of concentrating on anything anyone was saying, trying to push away the images that the words ‘fast and furious sex’ kept raising. Did my husband see me as a less exciting but more manageable choice? Was our marriage a case of ‘anything for a quiet life’ after the stormy sexual rapture of his first marriage? I felt miserable, as if I’d been demoted to the mousey second try after the spectacular Claudia had proved too hot to handle.
It was only later that night, when we were on our own, and Edward treated the incident as a joke, that I realised I’d been wandering down a dangerous track.
I pulled back in time, but I’d had a glimpse of how a first wife could sabotage a second marriage. Getting married to a divorcé or a widower can trigger a real identity crisis: am I a replacement, a relief, or a reproach? Am I a pale imitation of the one who got away?
Susanna Abse places these concerns in a psychological context: ‘Feeling left out, being the third, or left behind: these fears are quickly evoked in us in all kinds of situations. But in the crucible of family life, the feelings about exclusion, when one feels unsure or uncertain, become particularly intense and difficult to deal with.’
Some first wives positively relish the power they wield. I’ve encountered women who refuse to ‘move on’ when their husbands remarry. This is particularly true when there are children from the first marriage, as the children give them a claim on their ex-husband. For this nightmare first wife, there are no boundaries. She offers advice to her successor, though it’s not sought, and treats their new home as an extension of her own.
In her hands, the mobile is a hand grenade: she’s constantly ringing him about some
child-related matter, timing her calls to coincide with supper or Sunday lunch or bath time. One ex-wife managed to ruin the first Christmas a friend was enjoying with her new husband by manufacturing a succession of domestic dramas – broken heating, a stalker’s phone calls… The solution to all these horrors was simple: she should come and stay over for the holidays. Ho ho ho.
Boundaries can be invisible to the second wife too. In my new novel The Good Divorce Guide, Linda, the new woman on the scene, is constantly asking first wife Rosie for recipes and tips to keep her man. This is a fictional account of a friend who, although dumped for a ‘younger model’, found herself assailed by telephone calls, text messages and invitations from her successor. It was as if the first wife had to be co-opted into the new relationship; the new union needed her blessing to blossom, the marriage-breakers sought absolution.
Whether relations are friendly enough to have Christmas together in one big happy family, or so strained that the only conversations are held through the divorce lawyers, first wives will always be in the background of a second marriage. When there are children, this is especially so: first and second wives need to communicate on practical details such as flights and orthodontist appointments, as well as larger issues such as dealing with the school bully. Retreating behind an icy, unforgiving silence may offer instant gratification, but it doesn’t get the braces off or the bully stopped.
As we second wives shoulder the burden of dealing with wife number one, we should draw strength from seeing our man’s first stab at marriage as a practice run that has made him all the better for the real thing. We should be grateful to the ex-wife who taught him a thing or two about picking his wet towels off the floor and taking the rubbish out when it stinks up the kitchen. In fact, some of us suspect that, had we met Mr Right before he’d been broken in by Mrs Wrong, we wouldn’t have taken a second look.
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